November 27, 2014

I cooked my turkey on Wed. and completed soup yesterday. DH doesn’t want to eat turkey on the traditional day, so this is how I work around it. I’m officially on a “half as much as I used to eat, not diet” to reduce my sodium intake and blood pressure.

The most interesting thing that has happened recently has been my epiphany about college and math ….and I wrote the following email to my dh

My Quant GRE score made it painfully clear that my brain learns differently and therefore, if I know this I can be taught and tested differently. The reason I went into teaching and speech is because there was not a lot of math requirements. Now I know with the right adaptations I can take those classes. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to be my own advocate and fight for what I need, but I CAN DO MATH- not like a typical person can, but I can do eeet. My problems with math have been appropriate educational ACCESS. (Please do click on the link) By law, a college has to provide access for someone with a disability.


Big change in the way I am thinking about things. Give me a bit of time to sit with it. The classes at wake tech are easier to get into and cheaper. They will renew my teaching licensure, as well as give me an opportunity to work with professors in a science field in a small group setting, which helps me stay focused. It shows my dedication to remediating my undergraduate gpa. And, I will likely get good references from professors, which sets me up to reapply to the graduate speech program.

We always talk about needing more women in STEM fields, right. How about science, that is a stem field. If Kiddo wants to partake of a STEM field she will have to be encouraged. AKA, see other women in the field. So, why not me?

So, really my thinking about further schooling has been turned on its head, and I am open to possibilities. I’m attempting to sign up for an all women biology class at my local community college. I am waiting for my transcript to arrive, so I can register. I think this will be an interesting experience in many ways. Now that I am actually treated for ADHD I know I can be extremely successful.


Avoidance, Gratitude, and Fuzzy Nirvana

November 27, 2014

Avoiding my blog has become an on and off—-mostly on— past time. I think “Oh, I’m in a pissy non-constructive/ destructive mood right now, I better find time when my thoughts are out of the pit of negativity”. Ha, like that happens on schedule. So let me find some gratitude that seems to shake me out of feeling pitiful.

Things I am Grateful for

1. It really is a privilege to be my kiddo’s mom. She really stepped up to be a leader this year in her 2nd grade class, I’m proud.

2. Second chances…. I might have a second chance to do my science and math over again. Since studying for the GRE and reading my High School Transcript, as well as other testing I’ve been convinced of the existence of dyscalculia or “math dyslexia”. It is not fun to go through school with TWO disorders affecting your performance, which leads you to think of yourself as stupid when compared to peers.

3. Companion Animals. My fuzzy companions have been here through it all. Dogs, ferrets, and cats are prozac with fur. I learn so much from each of them and could never repay them for the service they provide me.

4. My cousin. She is always there for me no matter how often I don’t drive the 60-90 min. it is to her house because she knows that driving is one of my “things”.

5.Hot water for bathing and coldish water for drinking

Mon. was an interesting day which ended in me sitting on the couch feeling “green”, nauseated, sweaty, and silly. We were late for Karate, but got some stretching in and when we practiced sparring skills the bouncing and quick movement were a bit too much. I was teetering on my feet but determined to stay in there, when Master Ray looked at me and said “Are you feeling sick?”. Really, I have no idea what he said, but somehow I teetered over to the bench and sat there before going to get a drink of water. I think it was the flu shot combined with new meds and a full stomach. The water I drank before we went home was divine.

Protected: Bones

March 13, 2014

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FTY: Dr. Gabor Mate

December 31, 2010

This Friday Thank You goes to Dr. Gabor Mate for his ground breaking work featured on Democracy Now.




I’m working on putting some ideas into place from the book ADD-friendly ways to organize your life.  Pardon the sparseness of my posts. I must go back and re-read the chapter on prioritizing. 🙂

So far I’ve “cleaned out” one closet packed three and a half boxes with labels on three sides. And gained two boxes of stuff from Christmas.

chaotic notes


Pacific Spirit School

Dr. Gabor Mate

(re)Enter TeacherLand

December 2, 2010

Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes.

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

Really, being not-so good at organizing and structuring time has been rough for these four glorious years of my daughter’s early childhood. Being Add-ish i think makes it worse on a Mom who works in the home. Add in how my prematurity has my brain wired even more funny and ugh.  I didn’t realize it until this morning. I’ve had structure for the last two days and it felt wonderful. I feel like I’ve been catapulted into a new wonderfully organized world. Things make sense again.

<look at the butterfly!>And I’ve neglected my blog for a bit of Real Life!

Originally I dreamed of being a Teacher, your run of the mill Elementary School Teacher. Like my heroine Mother Jones. Then I took the required math and…..Fell.On.My.Face. Next, I changed my major because statistics seemed more do-able than base-10 base-4, etc.

~ADD’ed the rest of being an undergraduate. My grades fluctuated with the season I believe. I always started out strong in the fall after loving the summer sun (ok that’s an exaggeration). Then I did more falling.on.my. face in the winter-spring semester.

Learning Math is a huge stumbling block for me. I had an almost panic attack the other day trying to fill out Kiddo’s RegisteredTrademark College Savings Plan- there are FORTY pages of information.

That’s ok because I have my friends and family to help me through this. I am one grateful mama right now for so many reasons! And I found some structure….

Radical Sensitivities

November 13, 2010

This post was inspired by Klonke’s Paramis of Mass Arrest. I read her blog and love her about and friendly users guide!

from her about page linked to previously

kloncke (klôngk!)

rhymes with “honk,” “wonk,” and “badonkadonk.”

v.intr.  To mindfully blog for social and spiritual liberation.

n.  A participatory memoir.  A blog dedicated to kloncking.

I love the whole definition and the playfulness of those two pages. While I try to blog mindfully I am a beginner at meditation/ mindfulness. In reading Paramis of Mass Arrest I was very moved when she cites MLK and how he comes to terms with being a “creative extremist”.

It’s not news to me that my politics are considered radical. When I lived in western NY I was called a ‘scary’ liberal. Legalize drugs. prostitution. outlaw war. You know, it is really not that radical. There are places in this world that have done some of these things.

The root of my so called radical politics are being a HSP <highly sensitive person>,former premature infant, and having ADHD. In this ultra-technological/ over-poplulated society I feel like I am tuned into mass suffering almost constantly. Which usually makes me want to huddle in bed.

I think I’d rather be considered radically <or chaotically> creative. I wonder if MLK would have been considered “Highly Sensitive”.

Notes/ Links of Interest

Can I go beyond fear and hope?

Liking the music on lovethislife.net

Taking do not give up to a creatively chaotic level and not just for blogging!

I survived my kiddo’s birthday party. Felt very socially awkward even though it was my peeps. I have lots to reflect on. We were late. It was great!

Social Justice For All

November 11, 2010

From the Autobiography of Mother Jones Clarence Darrow:”This <the labor movement> contest is one of the important contests that have marked the progress of human liberty since the world began.Every advantage that the human race has won has been at fearful cost. Some men must die that others may live. It has come to these poor miners to bear this cross not for themselves alone but that the human race may be lifted up to a higher and broader plane.”

<Italics are mine>

While I was surfing some mom-bloggers I found the following heartbreaking entry The Kid with Superpowers of Invisibility. It got me thinking…. are we ‘the masses’ invisible to corporations, media, and government? We spend so much time passively sitting in classrooms or consuming media or other forms of ‘consumer culture’. I feel lulled into in-activisim <or click-activisim>. And helpless when I think of organizing something on my own or blazing a trail…(like this quote from a Florida teacher’s letter)

The message comes in loud and clear that a group of people in business suits can more effectively determine how to provide exemplary instruction than I can. My expertise is waved away, disregarded, and overlooked. I am treated like a day-laborer, required to follow the steps mapped out for me, rather than blaze a trail that I deem more appropriate

At one time disabled kids were not treated as kindly as they are now. Parents still fight to have their kids included into regular classrooms. Some progress has been made. Certainly not enough to make Redneck Mommies son visible during Halloween.

We US’ians are fearful of “entitlements” like social security, disability, truly supporting our veterans and dare I say inclusion. Why? Because we think we/and others don’t deserve them? And we want to hide from what scares us?

Sometimes I feel stuck in a Wayne’s World skit….


ADHD in action while surfing mom blogs
These moms inspire me because they are honest  Most confessional Mom Bloggers —–>Also I surfed the funniest and of course the most controversial

Eventually I get to Free Range kids– gee they both have sons- <free range girls? Bueller!> which leads me to remember

mind in the making<—-gotta read this book

which also reminds me of that new book on gender that just came out—mr google what is the name of that book? Delusions of Gender

I read Dr. Sax’sWhy Gender Matters and he almost had me convinced until I started reading about Delusions of Gender.

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