December 18, 2014
I hated registration as an undergraduate, really hated it. Somehow I managed to register for two classes at two different schools. It was frustrating. It’s over!!!
I’m feeling grateful about being able to get another chance at “fixing” some grades before applying again to graduate school. I appreciate all the encouragement I have been getting from family and friends.
Other things I am grateful for are:
– being introduced to a number of activist organizations around Raleigh and being privileged enough to be able to help their efforts.
– my son (and Alley Cats and Angels, Inc.) who saved my fuzzy boy. I’ve had a “bad” case of cat lap lately, which has been keeping me warm.
– I’m going to take a writing class! Perhaps I will be able to incorporate some assignments into blogging.
– All the encouragement I’ve been getting about my soap. I’m thinking about exploring how one goes about creating an inventory and schedule, big enough to sustain an etsy store.
– and of course I’m very thankful for my kiddo who is smart, strong, courageous, and kind.
November 18, 2014
Right now, I am feeling the bee sting and I want to back away from the computer. Honey Badger tenacity should be easier to conjure. Somehow, I did conjur one bad honey badger mama to sit for the GRE. As usual, verbal was well above average. I can’t believe I got a 5 out of 6 on the Analytical writing portion. What?! Math, as expected was below average several percentiles. And, that undergraduate gpa–always below THE minimum. I’m just not sure I can compete with applicants who haven’t had the AlpHaBeT soup of undiagnosed “disabilities” during their undergraduate careers. I know *crymeariver*, Honey Badger don’t give a &^&%^5; while, I still feel the need to say “Why can’t we all just get along?”. Chaos doesn’t fit in a box. The creativity cannot be contained.
June 6, 2014
Struggling to do something for myself I decided– not wanting to spend money on myself –had to stop. My brain was again lying to me. So, I dove in head first traveling solo- to NOLA (Ha!), spending a week alone, and intellectually engaging myself with continuing education credit seminars/ institutes. It was traveling back into time when I only worried about myself. The trip was an ice cold splash of water to the face on a hot and sticky day- sometimes literally because NOLA gets hot! I will forever love New Orleans because it will always remind me of this pivotal time. At some point after I returned I admitted to myself I needed a coach (this was going to cost money)–an ADHD coach or an Academic/GRE coach–or a tutor–to get me to the point where I know I will have some efficacy in taking this exam. And also to get me to the point where I will not feel defeated and shameful about my performance because I know I gave it all I’ve got.
Isn’t that the point? This life is to give it all you’ve got. Make it memorable and meaningful! As I wrote at the bottom of my study sheet for inspiration— Kiddo will be a teenager in 6.5 years and not so randomly, Hooker shoes in computer dressup games. Stiletto heels that deform your foot– IN A KIDS GAME. When kiddo is teen-kiddo I will need to distract myself (at times) from the marginalization of girls on the brink of womanhood. So, in short I am going full steam ahead because it will save my sanity. Now, this doesn’t mean I will forever forget about this marginalization. No, I will confront it head on as I have been since I became aware of it. I will continue to fight it with karate and community. As long as we have those things I think we will be fine.
Scattermom has dragged me back into the world of politics–kicking and screaming—so last night I went to a Food Co-op meeting. The community vibes in that place were rocking- it’s been meeting for about 2 years now. And yes, I have been wanting to go to a meeting for that long. A speaker at Action NC‘s women’s empowerment breakfast is a member of the food co-op organization. She spoke about the need to build instead of fight. I’m so tired of fighting sometimes I have no words- no polite words. I have to bow out and let others do the talking. I want to create and facilitate, not fight–I guess that is the teacher part of me. She also has been rearing her head when I think of the GRE lately. I’m seeing it more as an opportunity to brush up skills I will need for the future, therefore preparing for the test could never be a waste of time. Regardless of my score I think I want to see it as a victory.
If you are in the RDU area and want to sign up for Fertile Ground’s Food Co-op I can get you a membership form and/ or provide you with more information.
FTY: Fertile Ground Cooperative
In Thanks for this Friday (FTY) I’d like to give a hat tip to all Cooperators keeping the dream alive. Including those at Fertile Ground. You are powerful. You will make it happen. Failure is Impossible! Perhaps in my time we will see indivdualized labor unions, buisnesses, and associations turned into cooperatives.
March 19, 2014
Last week kiddo and I made laundry detergent and washing soda together. DH accused me of trying to kill them because the smell from heating baking soda was quite strong. I probably needed to turn the fans on in the house. I did have the windows open. Here is the recipe I used from Sweeter Lemon.
Mix together in a large container. Use approximately 1 tablespoon per load. You may need to experiment if your water is hard/soft.
I might try liquid detergent next. Here is one recipe I found on budget101.com. I believe you can use just about any bar of soap you like in either of these recipes. Here’s a video on how you make your own washing soda.
And finally something else to make you say hmmmmm…..slow tv via Norway
http://www.nrk.no/piipshow/ —–Live slow tv and the page is translated into English
March 18, 2014
In the last while a few moments have been full of WIN:
- starting blogging again 🙂
- going out with some activist friends for some good eats and drinks
- a kitten named Marble (My Son)
In an attempt to combine the last few things (except the cat) I turned a word vomit post into a more refined blog post for momsrising.org, which I am nervous about. It’s personal and about education, where I use my personal experiences with my daughter to criticize our addiction to standards. Please let us not also standardize preschool. I’m not sure if I should include the ADHD/ Sensory Processing issues I think run in my family. Enough of that.
I need to get back on the meditation wagon. Ten minutes seems like forever, yet I used to be able to do 30.
June 21, 2012
Today’s Friday Thank You goes out to Teachers and Parents.
Two things my family is working on is asking each other more questions and embracing.. don’t know mind or beginners mind. By embracing don’t know mind we shed our perceptions and biases of what we think should be. It is very similar to letting go of expectations–as the 12 step programs say.
Using questioning with the 4-6 year old age group has been difficult for me to embrace. I have noticed a remarkable improvement in kiddo’s behavior since I embraced it. I’m used to giving choices and being open to children’s suggestions with the elementary school age group and not preschool. I’ve had to let go of the idea that I’m The Adult and my kiddo should just do what I say. It also brings up uncomfortable feelings about cultural differences. I must say my thoughts have fluctuated between thinking– Yes, ma’am and Yes, Sir seem a little rigid—but at the same time it makes sense to me. I particularly like asking a question and if the answer is no telling kiddo, “The answer is Yes ma’am”.<—this is me embracing the paradox of it all>
Also, not every family gives children choices. So, what happens when I give a student choices and it overwhelms them. This is a particularly sticky question I’ve been asked as a ‘White Teacher‘. And, I haven’t found an answer I am completely comfortable with yet. I think I would look to veteran teachers around me to help me with children uncomfortable with making choices.
Through some reflection my husband and I noticed that we weren’t even asking each other questions regularly. I also realized that I wasn’t asking him questions because I thought I already knew what his answer would be.<Silly, silly thoughts.>
Some of my other thoughts on questions are that I need to question myself more. So far I compiled these 5 questions <I can’t remember where I found them>
5 mindful expressions/ questions< I’m sure they are similar to ones in 5 Questions that help us wake up.
1. I don’t know.
2. I was wrong.
3. I made a mistake.
4. It happens.
5. How can I help?
As I’ve been trying to keep the house and other things cleaner recently, I find this as an area where I cannot control my tone of voice. It’s hard not to get exasperated when kiddo brings in a large bucket with the bottom coated in mud. Now as I write this I see that she is only following my example of having a little glass jar with moss growing in it to show her what an ecosystem is. It’s very similar to these jars but I reused an old spaghetti sauce jar. I realize the reason I gave up trying to have a neat house is that it causes me great aggravation to have to continually pick up things, instead I’m really trying to see the clutter as a reminder that people I love live here and I do appreciate their presence.
My Moss Jar Experiment
June 19, 2012
Following Scattermom’s How to Laugh at Yourself series beginning, I thought I would write a post just like that. Next, I thought of the mess that was my last ‘laugh at yourself’ moment; it was also a ‘if I don’t laugh, I will cry’ moment. <punctuation is hard> Luckily, it was followed by a rather cleansing laugh at yourself moment…which was me wishing my dad Happy Birthday on Father’s Day! Oh, it was memorable. Later he called to make plans for our trip and I got to wish him Happy Birthday again! Plans, are hard to make for the technologically and memory challenged.
My laugh at myself moments are becoming overwhelmingly glaring. And, I have been skipping some meditation times. I keep telling myself it is because of the summer schedule, but I’m becoming so aware of how not here I am most of the time. And even when I am here, It is difficult to position myself in a way to respond most appropriately to a situation—–Pause.
My new series will be called Poise, Paws, and Pause. This is a title I came up with while taking my class in Principles and Practices of Mindful Leadership at The Center for Mindful Inquiry. <I think I may sign up for their new class Compassionate Action in Education.>
As a result of this class I installed a Mindfulness Bell on my Android and have it set to go off once an hour. I have noticed that a few times while I was surfing I was very annoyed and turned the bell off. <hyperfocus?!?! Oh, the ADHD paradox> Now, I’ve successfully talked myself into taking a moment to breathe no matter what I am doing.
Martin Seligman on Positive Psychology