June 6, 2014
Struggling to do something for myself I decided– not wanting to spend money on myself –had to stop. My brain was again lying to me. So, I dove in head first traveling solo- to NOLA (Ha!), spending a week alone, and intellectually engaging myself with continuing education credit seminars/ institutes. It was traveling back into time when I only worried about myself. The trip was an ice cold splash of water to the face on a hot and sticky day- sometimes literally because NOLA gets hot! I will forever love New Orleans because it will always remind me of this pivotal time. At some point after I returned I admitted to myself I needed a coach (this was going to cost money)–an ADHD coach or an Academic/GRE coach–or a tutor–to get me to the point where I know I will have some efficacy in taking this exam. And also to get me to the point where I will not feel defeated and shameful about my performance because I know I gave it all I’ve got.
Isn’t that the point? This life is to give it all you’ve got. Make it memorable and meaningful! As I wrote at the bottom of my study sheet for inspiration— Kiddo will be a teenager in 6.5 years and not so randomly, Hooker shoes in computer dressup games. Stiletto heels that deform your foot– IN A KIDS GAME. When kiddo is teen-kiddo I will need to distract myself (at times) from the marginalization of girls on the brink of womanhood. So, in short I am going full steam ahead because it will save my sanity. Now, this doesn’t mean I will forever forget about this marginalization. No, I will confront it head on as I have been since I became aware of it. I will continue to fight it with karate and community. As long as we have those things I think we will be fine.
Scattermom has dragged me back into the world of politics–kicking and screaming—so last night I went to a Food Co-op meeting. The community vibes in that place were rocking- it’s been meeting for about 2 years now. And yes, I have been wanting to go to a meeting for that long. A speaker at Action NC‘s women’s empowerment breakfast is a member of the food co-op organization. She spoke about the need to build instead of fight. I’m so tired of fighting sometimes I have no words- no polite words. I have to bow out and let others do the talking. I want to create and facilitate, not fight–I guess that is the teacher part of me. She also has been rearing her head when I think of the GRE lately. I’m seeing it more as an opportunity to brush up skills I will need for the future, therefore preparing for the test could never be a waste of time. Regardless of my score I think I want to see it as a victory.
If you are in the RDU area and want to sign up for Fertile Ground’s Food Co-op I can get you a membership form and/ or provide you with more information.
FTY: Fertile Ground Cooperative
In Thanks for this Friday (FTY) I’d like to give a hat tip to all Cooperators keeping the dream alive. Including those at Fertile Ground. You are powerful. You will make it happen. Failure is Impossible! Perhaps in my time we will see indivdualized labor unions, buisnesses, and associations turned into cooperatives.
June 10, 2011
Orignially this post was going to consist mainly of the “SouthPark Test” which is analogous to The Daughter Test they have been writing about over at Feministe. Instead of flogging myself for failing the “SouthPark Good Parenting Test”, because I caught kiddo watching almost a whole hour of South Park. <<<While I snoozed and dear Kryten took his “I got clocked @89 mph but was framed” defense and safe driving class to show the judge “I am a good driver certificate”>>>. <My younger judgemental teacher self head would have almost exploded upon hearing eight year olds watched SouthPark.>
Instead I bring to you Muppets!
From Mindful.org: Embrace the Monster in the Mirror
Our furry old pal Grover’s got good advice for us all.
Here’s a little Friday fun for the young and the young at heart.
About this Sesame Street video, Scientific Mindfulness blogger Brian Thompson, PhD writes, “I discovered this Sesame Street clip after a therapist posted it on a professional listserv. As the poster noted, it’s a clever illustration of the ease that can come from accepting parts of us that we experience judgment towards.”
October 23, 2010
I’ve been not so patiently waiting for my roller skates to come for my Halloween getup. I wanted to be a roller girl for Halloween last year but I could not find skates to use. So this year I ordered the skates. Now I am not sure if they will make it in time for the big day. My grand plan is to get Moshie so excited about getting her own pair of roller skates that she will forget about her fear of riding her bike. So the bribe is I will get her a pair of skates if she rides her bike several days in a row, with her daddy!
Because I am a most wonderful and mindful mommy I put her outside on her bike with helmet, on a hill and told her to peddle. Well we had not covered the art of braking and whooooosh-crunch. Off she rolled gaining speed and smack right into a mailbox head first. Have I told you how grateful I am to bike helmets.
How I’m feeling about this bike incident…like a Creep. I’m sure this is psychologically worse on me then it is on her.
October 14, 2010
This post was inspired by Garbage and today’s rain.
So yesterdays post was supposed to include three books, ha. Well at least I got a post up there. I like to wander or as I see it explore all possibilities. If there’s a crack under that door, I could weasel my way through. It’s why I love ferrets.
Today was a back to basics day. I cooked one of my favorite meals. My thoughts went in circles while I tried to avoid asking people for things I need. I found myself consistently not wanting to be fully present. Since certainty is an illusion there is no permanent reference point I can cling to. I try to bring myself back to breathing, sights, sounds, smells, and sensations. (Hey, I’m good at breathing! I was called a champion breather when I was in labor with the Kiddo.) In a way I feel like I am trying to have all new senses. Much like Marcel here says we must have new eyes.
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. ~Marcel Proust
I’ve made some real progress over the last few months in discovering new landscapes. In fact just a few months ago I would have not posted today because of frustration with my computer, which has a bit of mouse/ keyboard lag.
October 13, 2010
Lately amongst the chaos that is normal I have been becoming my own therapist with the help of books. I’ve read and perused a few prior to this one. Three authors are on my mind currently. The first is Pema Chodron. What I gathered briefly was that she is a former first grade teacher turned Buddhist nun. One reason I like her so much is that she states Buddhist teaching in such simple ways while using it’s terminology.
The first of her books that I read is Comfortable with Uncertainty. I really wish I had bought this book instead of the more traditional meditative book Daily Meditations for Calming Your Anxious Mind. Comfortable with Uncertainties writings would bring me comfort while I read them as well as remind me of my goals. It is a text I found myself thumbing through on a daily basis, always opening to something that brought comfort. While Daily Meditations has many very useful meditation activities,it felt like more of a chore to read. And then I felt guilty when I didn’t jump right into a meditative exercise. Perhaps reading itself is meditative for me, and I need to have more of an open mind while reading through Daily Meditations for Calming Your Anxious Mind. Uh Oh Nit-Picking-Ninny-Teacher me came out there for a minute and said “You must always follow directions”
Bibliotherapy Lesson 1: Don’t be a Ninny-Nitpicker/ Recognize Your Inner Ninny-Nitpicker
The ultimate Ninny-Nitpicker IMHO is The Church Lady.
Created and played by Dana Carvey, The Church Lady is an elderly woman named “Enid Strict”, who is the uptight, smug and pious host of her own talk show, Church Chat. Enid is a spoof of “holier-than-thou” Christian churchgoers. She is known for always wearing a purple dress, a sweater, visible knee-high stockings, and a pair of cat’s eyehorn-rimmed glasses. She was known for the catchphrases, “Well, isn’t that SPE-CIAL?!”, “How con-VEEN-ient!”, and “Could it be…SATAN?”
So friends if you recognize me going all Church Lady on you, please let me know. It’s harmful to me and those around me.