I really thought this one was going to make it. I even got maternity clothes in preparation. Well, all the grief from past miscarriages have finally caught up and I have crashed. I am just shocked, sad and angry.
This past week has been insane. Tues I had a dr’s appt. Thurs. I had surgery in the early morning. Then I took a fun filled trip to the er via ambulance because I lost a liter of blood.
The time in between I’ve been hating and praising my husband for how he is handling our situation. A two year old, grief x3, and not being 100% physically is turning out to be really emotionally painful. In talking to a friend I realized she was right, there is no real comfort to me right now, nothing anyone can say to make it better, nothing anyone can do to make it better.
I want my baby back or I want someone to say that next time I get preggo I will end up with a living child/ baby. In that respect I can really relate to all my 2 year old’s “I want, I want”.I am turning into a sucker with my kiddo. I can’t get enough hugs and kisses/ general cuteness. I told my huz if we made ugly kids I wouldn’t want anymore.
My friends have really rallied around me to give me some slack and time to grieve. They’ve been taking Sophie for playtime, driving me around to the dr’s, and generally just being uber helpful. I don’t think I’ve ever had friends that meant so much to me. One even baked me a chocolate cake 🙂
Oye, the carnage of losing a liter of blood upstairs is not real pretty. Finally I got to clean my sheets and towels. For real clean sheets and a nice shower are a few of the little comforts I am so thankful for.