What was the hardest part? (of being a new mom)

By far the hardest part was leaving you to go back to work. As I look back on it now I feel angry about it. We had just gotten the hang of breastfeeding and had adjusted to eachother. It was the only way I could give your dad a chance to stay home with you and still feed and clothe all of us. Your dad took the brunt of that anger, which he didn’t deserve. Deep down I wanted him to stay home with you and have ample bonding time. It just wasn’t financially possible if I didn’t go back to work. I was glad that it was him and not a stranger taking care of you.

It seems like the flipside of the hardest parts are the most joyous. Watching how you interact with your environment and are discovering so many little things I take for granted. As for the flipside of this I am feeling like there is less and less space for me, and things that represent me. If I don’t keep things out of reach you get into them, sometimes that can be dangerous. Most of the time it just means I really have to clean up after myself, which isn’t a bad habit to get into. I said to your dad the other day, “Remember how we used to joke about having a giant ferret and how much trouble it would cause?”, well in some ways you are like that giant ferret (at 9mos.)—willing to chew on almost anything, getting into tight spaces, and grabbing at everything. Finding time to rest, renew, and relax is a big one also.

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